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Cat Humor and Propaganda

Just a little cat humor? If so, then the laugh has been on us!

What exactly am I talking about? How about the fact that somehow (against physical proof and reason itself) we still hear stories propagating the wondrous traits of the feline? And to make matters worse, most people believe these crazy cat stories - or at least seem to.

I grew up hearing and believing this malarkey myself. I was evidently so brainwashed that I didn’t see the truth even though I had lived with several different cats over the years. But that has all changed. All of a sudden my eyes were opened, and I plainly see that these cat stories of grace and grandeur are more than illogical.

I am prepared to face the wrath of every cat fancier that reads this article. In fact, I expect it. I empathize with you because I know that you, too, have been brainwashed. Whether it was an intentional ploy to get cats into homes around the world or a simple attempt at a little "cat humor", I feel it’s wrong, and you deserve to be told the truth!


I’m going to give you a breakdown of what I now know to be nothing less than cat humor and propaganda. Propaganda (and I feel safe in assuming) that cats probably started themselves! I hope by the time we’re through, the shrouded cat will be revealed for what it truly is. But please do try to remember this little adage, don’t shoot the messenger!

Common Cat Stories
We've All Been Told

    Cats are independent

  • This statement, was either a lame attempt at cat humor, a plot to deceive, or both. Do you know the saying ...if you say it enough, people will believe it? Well, that’s exactly what we have here! Somebody (most likely a cat) took the negative quality of aloofness and labeled it "independent".

    Fact is cats aren’t independent. They’re selfish and rude. How selfish? Haven’t you noticed that they only talk to you when they want something? And don’t you call it rude when someone yells at the top of their lungs for breakfast? Which, by the way, if they were so independent, why don’t they get it themselves?

    Cats are clean

  • Clean? Oh brother! How anyone can say this in good conscience I’ll never know! Just because they enjoy an occasional bath – without WATER I might point out, does not make them a Felix Ungar!!! Oscar took baths I’m sure, yet no one in their right mind would call him clean!

    Let’s start with cat hair. Do they or do they not leave it everywhere? Furniture, your best outfit, your butter dish, your company that visits... there is no thing or no one that enters your home that shall not be soon dripping in cat hair.

    What about the kitty litter situation? Not only do they kick it out all over the place – but have you ever smelled anything that even comes close in comparison to its stench? And don’t forget, although they have a kitty litter box they still find it necessary to relieve themselves in some obscure corner of the house. Sorry, but this is simply not clean behavior.

    Then we have puke. Oh, they have a cutesy name for it though – they call it "fur balls". Does it really matter what’s mixed in with it? Puke is puke! And they do it on your carpet as often as they possibly can.

    You tell me - don't you think that the fact that cats have us calling the vomit process "coughing up fur balls" would be enough to have them rolling on the floor laughing? That's cat humor for ya!

    Cats are good mousers

  • Alright, so they "chase" mice. But if you really don’t want mice in your house get a snake. At least they’ll eat them!

    99% of the time cats merely play with mice. They pick up the mouse, carry it around, and put it back down for another game of tag. Next thing you know, the mouse has escaped and is back in your cupboard eating your Oreo cookies later that night.

    Sure, once in a while the kitty may play too rough, and the poor little mouse is mortally injured. When this occurs, our clean feline leaves the carcass somewhere so that you’re sure to be surprised. If you scream out in disgust, you’ve played right into their paws. It’s just another one of their attempts at a little "cat humor".

    Cats are graceful

  • Ballerinas, now there’s graceful. If we were to place a ballerina in our china cabinet our great grandmother would have nothing to fear. But I’m telling you that not only do you not want a bull in with your good china, but you had better keep that cat out too!

    Knocking over vases filled with flowers and water that you have placed in the middle of the table is clearly not descriptive of gracefulness. Potted plants or knickknacks are sure to come falling down from windowsills if the cat chooses to bask in the sunshine there too. And how many times has your cat walked across your keyboard and caused strange errors on your computer? You’re just going to have to admit it - cats are clumsy.

    Cats always land on their feet

  • Out of all the jokes in the book of cat humor, I'll bet this one is told most at cat "get-togethers" in the alley. Think about it for a minute. Is this supposed to mean that everyone else that jumps down from a chair flounders around on the floor for a while before getting to their feet? Give me a break!
    Cats have nine lives

  • What a clever way to use mystique as a guise for a cat’s ability to get themselves in a jam time and time again.

The points I have set forth above are common cat stories that few have not heard at least once in their lifetime. Oddly enough, they are all easily disputed. Don’t you think it’s time for us to stop aiding cats in their self promotion by repeating these lies to our children?

I’m not saying that cats are being intentionally malicious with these lies. Maybe they figure there’s some stiff competition - with dogs being man’s best friend and all. Desperate people do desperate things.

One thing I know for sure, they are quite the jokesters. And when it comes to cat humor, nothing gets a bigger laugh in the cat community than when a family stands at the bottom of a tall tree calling up to poor Fluffy. Nothing, that is, except that and a call to the fire department!

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