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Dating After Divorce - out of Practice!

by Bonnie
(Lake Wylie,SC)

Bonnie is in this Old School Somewhere

Bonnie is in this Old School Somewhere

Off and On

Dr. Julia,
I have been dating this guy for 2 months......He asks Me out, We have a good time, He is a perfect gentleman, and I think it is going good.

Then he doesn't call for 2 or 3 days.... I don't think I should call him, since I am old school.... How can I get him to commit?

I am new at this, since I have been out of the dating scene for many years.....Like 34 years.

I am recently divorced, so I really need some advice on how to get this guy on my side of the fence. Help.....
Old School in SC

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Dating After Divorce - out of Practice!

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Old School Believer
by: Dr. Julia

Dear Bonnie Old School,

I believe in old school. After all, I'm looking at a picture of one now. I say let a man be the man.... and you do the woman thing (wink wink).

The fact that this man is calling every couple of days (as opposed to every couple YEARS) shows he is very interested in you and your company.

Whatever you do, don't be over anxious! Just enjoy the good times that you are having getting to know each other right now.

The smartest thing you could do to "get this guy to commit" is to not call him or pester him. And definitely, make no mention of "commitment". That's a sure way to get him hopping the fence right out of your yard.

So long as he continues to be a gentleman (and you a lady), if you two are good together, one day he'll see how green the grass is on your side and he'll go right through the gate and lock it behind him.

Dr. Julia

by: Laura

I think you need to give us more info.

If you only have his cell number and have never been to his house then he is probably married.

If you have been to his house and he is a 'gentleman' who talks about his window treatments then he is most likely...well...not that into you.

Men that take you out and call infrequently always have something else going on.

You should let this play out-see what happens if you say you are busy the next time he infrequently contacts you to go out. Maybe get a group of your 'couple friends' together and invite him. If he is married he will not go for fear that there will be someone there that knows his wife.

Men are tricky and don't come with instructions.

It's a new dating world
by: MissDazey

However, most men over 50 still think they are playing by the old rules. Women think differently than when they were young.

I agree, if this guy is calling a couple of times a week, that to him is a commitment. My advise, go slow..enjoying dating. Make a new life for yourself, you are worth it.

PS: I divorced after 26 years of marriage. My goodness, how different the world was in 1986 versus 1959. And man, had I changed too.

Red Flags
by: Dr. Julia

Whoa! Laura is super ready for trouble!

You know, Laura, you are right to look for warning signs and RED flags when it comes to dating.

We cover some of that in an article we did a while back called Before the First Date Advice.

Old School Bonnie didn't seem to be waiving any flags in her post (other than the Surrender Flag).

Going by what we know (Bonnie's time out of the dating scene) brings the age of our dating couple here out of that type of foolish behavior.

And "calling every two or three days" - that's a lot! We're talking a mature man here, right?
Most guys aren't big yakkers on the phone as it is. This one, to me, seems all business!

Dr. J

Dating after Divorce-out of Practice
by: Anonymous

Hey! I'm not looking to give any advise on THIS subject! "I" am in need of some advise on THIS subject too! lol

After 22 yrs of marriage... I've been separated for almost 2 years now (waiting on my share of the house sale).

My kids are pushing me to get moving in the "relationship" & "independence" department.
My youngest says, "take it slow or never"! My oldest says, "Mom, hurry up & have some fun, &&& find someone"!

As you can see they aren't "missing" the "old" man in my life.

I'm also from the "old school" & I sooo understand not knowing what I should do!???

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