Dealing With In Laws
How do people deal with overbearing in laws?
Advice From Mother... in law
***To see more of this mother goose in law and the daughter in law that she's driving loony, check out In Law Problems
***Dear Dr. Julia,
When are you going to give us some advice on how to deal with in-laws?
As a married...er...female.. you must have some insight on the issue. Have you had problems? How did you deal with them?
Now, obviously, I have nothing against advice. Advice can come in handy, I'm sure! As proof, here I am asking it from you! (Though, one has to admit, you are a very reliable, wise, and educated source.) But sometimes, things can go too far.
Advice can turn into demands and can even turn into downright disrespectful treatment. I'm sure there are many out there just like me, waiting for your guidance on this. Please help us.....soon.Dear Scaredy Cat,
First of all, no, I have never had a problem with my in laws. Oh, they may have had a problem or two with me, but that's besides the point.
What I will do is answer your question from an advice stand point. After all, as you say, that is
Most everyone likes to give advice, but not everyone
is as gifted as I in that department. Once in a blue moon, the advice given to you from others may be very good. Sometimes the advice stinks, to put it bluntly.
The problem with in laws (especially mother in laws) is that they feel they have every right to tell you what and how you should do this or that. You, to them, are now family - only worse.
Worse in that they think of you as a child. Clearly their child married another
child - not an adult. Do you see what I mean?
This same issue may cause you conflict as well - if you see your in laws as "parental authorities" and think that you have to "obey" them and all their helpful advice.
Two things I would suggest...
- Determine who rules the roost
You are married folk now. You have a family that you are in charge of. Everyone else... their thoughts, opinions, whatever, really has no bearing on your family, anymore than your thoughts, opinions, whatever, plays a role in theirs.
- Determine if their advice is well intended or not
If they truly have your best interest at heart because they care about you, it's hard to be very angry... extremely annoyed maybe, but not very angry.
Now, if you feel that you are being disrespected, you could always tell them so.
Sometimes we make matters worse by just never saying what really is on our mind. By the time we finally have
had enough, we end up telling them a thing or two or three... or a whole list of things that we can't stand about them. And that never turns out good.
Finally, Just tell your in laws that from now on you're going to get all your advice from me, Dr. Julia Chicken.
That right there should set their mind at ease... and end all your problems with in laws.