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Funny Comebacks
Quick Thinking is the Key!

Blue and gold macaw parrot and a cat exchange words and funny comebacks in the cartoon.

See the whole exchange between this cat and parrot
in this Funny Comebacks Comic Strip

See what others are coming back with here.

I know that there are standard comebacks that people use all the time... well, maybe not funny, but standard anyway.

I must admit, I do like the "Yo momma" return to an insult. But nothing beats originality when it comes to witty comebacks.

Personally, I prefer "funny comebacks". Not nasty insults. When I say funny, I don't necessarily mean funny to the other person, either. I mean funny to me.

I believe that my sense of humor was greatly influenced by the king of comebacks, Bugs Bunny.

Nobody was quicker on their feet.

Nobody could put it to people better.

And the best part about it, half the time they didn't even know they were getting it put to them!

Most comebacks are just statements - some quick response to something that was initially said. Well, I sort of operate in true Bugs Bunny fashion in that a lot of my comebacks last quite awhile - sort of like a cartoon feature where I make the offender pay throughout an entire "episode".

I have a lot of examples of this very effective technique, but I'll give you one that I think you might appreciate the most (because it's shortest).

Some Funny Comebacks May Take Time

Back when my husband and I were having money troubles... seems like only yesterday. Oh - wait a second. It was yesterday.

Nevertheless, this incident happened some years ago.

It was early morning when I received a phone call from a bill collector. He was abrupt, cocky, and leaning pretty far toward the rude side.

Despite my explanation that my husband couldn't come to the phone because he was still in bed fast asleep, the bill collector was insistent.

"This is an urgent matter... blah blah blah," the bill collector went on. "Just put him on the phone."

"All righhhhht," I said in an 'if you say so' tone.

I took some time - the amount of time it would take me to go upstairs to the bedroom... if I were going upstairs to the bedroom.

"Okay, here he is," say I to the bill collector on the other end.

After a moment or two, I proceeded to snore. Not a Three Stooges exaggerated snore. Just your average Joe kinda snore - directly into the phone's receiver.

At first it seemed the bill collector didn't know what to do. But it wasn't long before he was busting up laughing. In between his laughter, I heard him try to explain the situation to his colleagues.

Tormenting this bill collector gave me way more pleasure than hanging up on him ever could. Thanks for the education, Bugs!

The Best Funny Comebacks

The best funny comebacks should be...

  • Quick
    Meaning, a response is giving almost immediately. It does you no good to call them up the next day with your witticism.
  • Gets the Best of the Opponent
    Yes, it is a battle. You must win.
  • Confuses the Opponent
    It should leave your opponent wondering... "What just happened?" or pondering, "Was that a put down?"
  • Is actually FUNNY
    A very clever comeback accomplishes two things...

      1. It makes you laugh

      2. It makes your opponent laugh

    Those are the funniest comebacks of all, but take skill, speed, and a sharp mind. Unless you possess these attributes do not attempt them as in the hands of the unqualified, such comebacks may backfire.

I thought of three funny comebacks...
the next day.

Problem with most folks is that they just aren't thinking fast enough to say something particularly clever. Or, they get a little flustered by a comment and then can't think of anything to say back at all.

It's not like you can have an arsenal of witty and clever comebacks either. Let's face it, "I know you are, but what am I?" can't be seamlessly and effectively used in every situation.

If you ever find yourself in this situation, and speed is imperative, use the surefire, never fail, funny comeback technique of sarcastically repeating whatever they said.
Works like a charm.

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Queen of Comebacks - Dr. Julia Chicken

Are you looking for some wise-cracking comeback for your situation? Run it by Dr. Julia and me!

We'll give you comebacks for...

  • Bill Collectors
  • Bullies
  • Co-workers
  • Friends
  • Enemies
  • and even

  • Family

We'll talk you through!

Nine times out of ten, you think of a great comeback after the fact, but a lot of good that does - right?

Then there's always the hindsight of a good friend that tells you, "Oh, you should have said blah blah blah, this and that".

Maybe, just maybe, you have the whole "clever comeback" thing down pat.

Then stick around, help somebody out!

"Oh yeah?" Is Only the Beginning....

Need a funny comeback? Ask Dr. J, me, and other visitors for a hand. Have a witty comeback that worked for you? Share it!

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Need a Funny Comeback for Craigslist   starstarstarstarstar
Dear Dr. Julia,

I have a cello that I am selling and I posted it for sale on Craigslist.

I am going back and forth with emails for a couple of weeks ...

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